Searching for an Australian sponsor to bring to Minardi in 2002: "It is big money, Formula One. Ten million is serious money - but ten million Aussie dollars can buy a lot of utes!"
The complexities of a modern F1 car: "They make a female look low maintenance these days, mate".
On deciding to race for Williams rather than Renault (who went on to win the season) in 2005: "The scoreboard never lies and spilt milk is something I haven't been a big fan of either. You've just got to get on with it. What's wrong with using the word 'mistake'? I've said I've f***ed up. I made a mistake, it was my personal mistake. It's not really regrets, I have to live with it and get on with it."
After his disappointing 2005 Williams season, on the very fickle nature of winning and losing in Formula One: "If you have a tough weekend you have got nowhere to hide. If you have a fantastic weekend you get rewarded, everyone thinks you are a legend. There is no grey area in this sport. It is a fine line between the Whitehouse and the Shithouse, that's the way it is, always has been, always will be."
His first impressions of the Valencia street circuit: "The track is like a Tesco car park."
Responding to a Williams pit call to let his then team-mate Rosberg pit first at the 2006 Brazilian Grand Prix: "Don't think so mate. Britney's in the wall."
Fuming after Vettel (then with Toro Rosso in his debut season) crashed into the back of Webber during a Safety Car period at the '07 Japanese Grand Prix: "It's kids isn't it? Kids with not enough experience, doing a good job and then they f*** it all up."
Being motivated ahead of the 2008 F1 season: "You've got to push yourself in Formula One; it's not tiddlywinks, it's a bloody important sport and you go into it each year trying to test yourself."
Being rear-ended by Romain Grosjean at the start of the 2012 Japanese Grand Prix: "It was that first-lap nutcase again".
Racing in Monte Carlo: "I think it's a very dramatic backdrop, I love the ocean and I love the cliff faces. To have a race track here is quite exceptional. But for me, in terms of all the small dogs and the handbags and that sort of stuff, it's not really my thing, mate."
What was going through his mind while passing Fernando Alonso at Eau Rouge in 2011: "You don't have much time to get the calculator out at that point."
Winning the British Grand Prix after the team removed a vital front-wing component off Webber's car and gave it to Vettel instead: "Not bad for a number 2 driver. Cheers!"
Qualifying a tenth shy of pole position and Red Bull team-mate Sebastian Vettel at the 2010 Australian Grand Prix: "It was a bee's dick off pole, but at least I'm on the front row."
After Vettel overtook him for victory at the 2013 Malaysian Grand Prix despite being told by the team to hold position behind Webber: "The team made a decision to get the car to the end. But Seb made his own decisions and will have protection. That's the way it goes."
After the race Webber stormed into the waiting room before the podium ceremony staring down Vettel before barking: "Multi-21, Seb. Yeah, Multi-21", referring to the teams' coded message sent to both drivers during the race which meant that car No 2 (Webber) should stay ahead of car No 1 (Vettel).
Asked by Jeremy Clarkson on Top Gear after the Multi-21 incident if he's ever been tempted to punch Sebastian Vettel: "My dad always said you shouldn't hit boys, mate."
The Formula One situation in 2013: "The whole category is geared around tyres at the moment. Everything is around tyres. Tyres, tyres, tyre, tyres, tyres. Obviously you go around way under the potential of the car. It's not a lot of fun but that is how it is."
Acknowledging the importance of his Australian heritage: "I look forward to spending a little bit more time down in Oz in the future, I haven’t seen a huge amount of my country since I left there as a young lad so I’m looking forward to spending a bit more time down there, have a look around. I always represented and was proud to race for Australia throughout my career, so the Australian national anthem and the flag for me was very important because I always knew it was not often... there’s only been three Aussie race winners so it’s not exactly easy for us to compete at this level and get over to Europe. It’s very special to race for Australia."
On his relationship with the motoring journalists: "Obviously there’s some shit magazines that have to do shit journalism and that’s normal but in the end, you’ve got to deal with those as well but in general it’s a good professional tennis match and that’s how we always like to play it."
On his retirement from Formula One: "I wouldn’t be leaving if there wasn’t things that I’m not happy to leave behind. Obviously if there’s more positives than negatives then I would stay, so there’s more negatives than positives. So for me, it’s something that I want. A fresh change, a new chapter in my life."